Today’s Text: The Tao Of Love And Sex by Jolan Chang 1977 Published by Penguin Group.
Homily By The Bishop Of The Sinners Assembly: Brethren, welcome to another solemn Friday. I apologize for my absence. I had other callings that made it impossible for me to be with you in the flesh as much as I desire. But no iota of second passed without my being with you in the spirit, bothering about your welfare. Forgive me, for not calling you since 2023 started. I promise to improve.
Today, my spirit was drawn to the number of aphrodisiac in circulation among brethren. At every gathering of sinners and saints, the conversation after few rounds of alcohol, boils down to, how many rounds can you last; how long before you cum? Sisters ask one another, “is he an indomie man?
The above has driven men brothers into consuming substances that are injurious to their health in other to enjoy healthy sexual relationship.
Against this backdrop, I have chosen to allow you read for yourself and pray that you get wisdom to apply the knowledge in these sentences.
Your feedback after reading, is dear to us as we are committed to monitoring your growth.
Ejaculation Control.
In the Taoist scheme of things, man is a Yang force and has all the attributes of maleness. He is more volatile, more active and quicker than a woman, who has the attributes of Yin, the female force. She is more placid, her movements calmer-but ultimately she is stronger.
A common analogy used in ancient texts when comparing the relative strength of men and women was to liken them to fire and water. Fire belongs to Yang and, though quick to ignite, it is overwhelmed by water, a Yin force.
Taoist thought suggests that all forces occur in complementary pairs. Fire and water, heaven and earth, sun and moon, inhaling and exhaling, pushing and pulling, etc., and that each of these contrary forces’ belongs to a sexual power – either Yin or Yang. Yin and Yang, although separate forces, are V really part of the same ultimate unity and therefore necessary to one another.
Tao of Loving masters used those analogies when explaining physical sex as well. Wu Hsien (a Tao of Loving master during the Han Dynasty, 206 B.C.-A.D. 219) quoted above was noting what hundreds of sex researchers since his time have pointed out, if not as gracefully, always as forcefully.
They all agree that men and women have. different arousal times and different climax times and most sex partners nowadays are concerned to synchronize these times in order, literally, to ‘come together’.
In The Goals of Human Sexuality, Irving Singer says: ‘Very often women hope to find a mate who will ejaculate at a time that coincides with their own orgasm; and for many men, as well, this kind of simultaneity signifies motional oneness and a proof of mutual love.
Frequently it does bespeak a harmony between two persons who attune their pleasure to each others needs and inclinations. Certainly one can savour postorgasmic relaxation better if one’s partner has been fully satisfied at approximately the same time.”
Even in the West then ejaculation control is a very important part of love-making. It has always been perhaps the most important part of the Tao of Loving. The ancient Taoists gave great attention to every detail of control. An example of the advice they gave to novices can be seen in this passage from Wu Hsien:
- The beginner is advised not to get too excited or excessively passionate.
- The beginner should start with a woman who is not too attractive and whose jade gate [vulva] is not too tight. With such a woman it is easier for him to learn to control himself. If she is not too beautiful he will not lose his head and when her jade gate is not too tight, he will not get too excited.
- The beginner should learn how to enter soft and come out hard.
- He should first try the method of three shallow and one deep thrust and carry out the thrusts eighty-one times as one set.
- If he feels that he is becoming a little excited he should stop the thrusting motion immediately and withdraw his jade peak to a point so that only about one inch or more of it remains inside the jade gate [the locking method]. He should wait until he has calmed down and then resume thrusting with the same three shallow and one deep I method.
- Next he can try the five shallow and one deep method.
- At last he can try nine shallow and one deep.
(8) In learning how to control ejaculation one must avoid being impatient. Twis is not easy.
Before we go on to give our own advice to novices let us look at some further words of Wu Hsien. Here, he gives a more detailed explanation of his advice so that the beginner has a clear understanding of not only what he should do but why he should do it:
(1) It is true that one must love one’s partner in order to receive the greatest pleasure.
But when you are learning and practising ejaculation control, you must make an effort and try to be indifferent so that you will be more composed.
(2) The beginner must thrust gently and slowly to carry out one set of thrusts, then moments later he could resume once again. two and then three sets. He could then stop for a while to recompose himself. A few moments later he could resume.
(3) In order to satisfy his partner, he must be kind and gentle so that she will reach her orgasm quickly. But if he feels that he will soon lose control of himself he should withdraw somewhat his jade peak and apply the locking method’.
Thus he will calm down once again and be able to resume his thrusts.
For the beginner, thrusts must be carried out slowly and carefully.
Our own advice to beginners is not much different from this. Described in modern terms and with modern explanations it may sound somewhat different but basically the ancient Chinese gave sound advice.
A young man just starting his sex life should look for a woman who has some quality he really likes. The point is that, unlike an experience with a prostitute, he will want to concentrate on the woman as a person, to spend some time with her and to work for her satisfaction as well as his own.
Young men – or men of any age, for that matter – ought to avoid prostitutes, but it is particularly important when they are learning in ejaculation control.
There is, however, the danger that a woman may be too experienced. She may have developed a set pattern of love-making which ‘satisfies’ her.
For instance, she may not be satisfied unless the man ejaculates. Many women have been conditioned to believe that unless a man ejaculates, he has not really been aroused. Scientists still argue over whether some women’s demand for ejaculation is physiological or psychological.
A woman who believes she must make a man ejaculate will go to some lengths to make him do so. Probably she will fellate him to make him do so quickly and very few men can resist the licking action of her tongue followed by her deep, soft sucking of his phallus.
For the ancient Taoists there was always an element of danger in fellatio, especially to the novices. While it was certainly regarded as an important part of foreplay – just as was cunnilingus – there was the ever-present danger of an uncontrolled ejaculation as the result. The Kronhausens made an interesting discovery in their research of Chinese erotic art: There are relatively few representations of fellatio; though a legitimate part of fore-play, it entailed the danger of man’s ejaculation outside the vagina. Cunnilingus, however, is much more frequently represented, since it was traditionally considered an approved means of obtaining precious Yin essence from the woman.
1.The True Joy Of Loving.
The true joy of loving is an ecstasy of two bodies and souks mingling and uniting in poetry.
Once a man has found an ideal partner he must try and make love to her ecstatically and poetically.
In an interview Masters once said he avoided using the word ‘love’ because it meant different things to different people and he did not want to get caught up in semantics. I am a devoted admirer of Masters and Johnson’s research and books but on this point I do not agree with them entirely.
Followers of the Tao of Loving feel that love and sex should not be separated. Love without sex is frustrating and unhealthy, lacking the essential harmony of Yin and Yang which brings peace and serenity to life.
On the other hand sex without love is simply a biological function that does not bring us much closer to the mutual tranquillity we all need. In this book the word ‘love will be used as frequently as – or more frequently than – ‘sex’ in an attempt to correct the prevalent one-sided view of sex and orgasm.
Pure sex and orgasm may be joys but in our view they are not ecstatic joys which true mingling of love and sex can realize. For example, there are women who can achieve orgasm merely by crossing their legs and squeezing (and some can do so a dozen times a day). But by doing so, do they really achieve profound pleasure? Once a woman has a satisfying love experience, she rarely prefers masturbation.
Masturbation is pure sex – without warmth, feeling, communication or the harmony of Yin and Yang. Equally, when a man makes love to a woman, he should not behave as if he is masturbating. Nothing frustrates or disappoints a woman as much as finding her love partner only cares about his own ejaculation.
Love should be a true communion of the sexes. Instead of communicating tenderness and joy, sex for many men is simply a mechanical motion that is no different from masturbation, as though the woman did not exist.
The result cannot fail to be a disappointment for all concerned. Some men may think they are satisfied. The fact is that they have never really known what true joyful loving is; nor do they realize that they have missed Yin/Yang harmony.
What then is true, joyful loving like? We can try to describe it as being like the joy of sitting under the blossom in a mountainous valley in May. Or swimming under the majestic waterfall of Lu Shan and facing the shimmering boundless lake Pu Yang, or listening to the chattering blue birds before the magnificent Grand Canyon in the golden setting sun after rain. What we are trying to say to young lovers is that they must try to cultivate and develop the capability of making love poetically and ecstatically. Once they have experienced this true joy of loving they will never settle for anything less and all petty and ugly thoughts will leave them for ever.
But how does a beginner begin? By exercising, opening up and sharpening all his senses and faculties – touching, tasting, seeing, hearing, talking and feeling. And by trying to use them all as fully as possible to give to and receive joy from his partner. He must learn that women no less than men like to be sincerely praised and appreciated especially while making love.
In this way he learns not only how to make love ecstatically but also how to divert his mind from preoccupation with ejaculation.
Some sexologists suggest a kind of exaggerated nonchalance while making love to delay ejaculation.
They advise men to think about politics or business while making love, or even to break off completely for a smoke.
This may be an effective way to ward off ejaculation, but no way to achieve ecstasy or to even harmony with his partner who is sure to resent his remoteness or absent-mindedness – and with good reason.
There are many more pleasant and joyful things for a man to think about – the texture of her hair, the smoothness of her skin, the mysteriously intriguing scent and curves of her body, her fragrant, moist lips and tongue and the even moister lips of her yù mên.
However, sooner or later a healthy young man is going to get to the crucial point when he wants to ejaculate.
What, according to the Tao, should he then do?
For a young man between sixteen and eighteen, passing through the most fertile period in his life, it is supposed to be very difficult to control his ejaculation, but this is partly myth. There are some measures he can take if he feels ejaculation is imminent.
2. The locking method.
The oldest and probably the best and simplest method is the one used by the ancient Chinese and described by Wu Hsien in this rather picturesque series of steps:
- The locking method is like trying to stop the Yellow River with one’s hand. An impatient man will take more than twenty days of practice to learn it. A gentler person can learn it much faster, half the time is usually enough. Study the method carefully for about a month and then the man’s precious treasure [semen, ching] will be quite safe.
- The advantage of the locking method is that it can be carried out simply. For example, when a man is doing the three shallow and one deep thrust pattern, he can close both his eyes and mouth and breathe deeply but gently through his nose so that he will not start panting. When he feels slightly that he might soon lose control, he can lift his waist with just one quick movement and withdraw his jade peak one inch or more and stay in that position without moving.
Then he can breathe deeply and diaphrag-matically and at the same time contract his lower abdomen as though he is controlling himself when he is looking for a toilet.
By thinking of the importance of treasuring his ching, and that it must not be lost indiscriminately, when he is deeply breathing, he will soon calm down. Then he can resume his thrusts again.
(3) The important point to remember is that he must retreat when he has just become excited. If he retreats when he is already very excited and tries to force his ching back, then the ching will not return, instead it will go into his bladder or even into his kidneys.
If this happens, he may suffer from several diseases such as pain in the bladder and the small intestines or swelling and pain of the kidneys.
(4) To sum up, the locking method is excellent, but one must practise it when one is just beginning to feel excited. It is much better to retreat too early than too late. By practising this method, the man will be able to control his ejaculation rather comfortably without even letting his jade peak fall. He can thus save his energy and he will feel remarkably composed. And he should not emit his ching until he has completed at least five thousand thrusts. Combining the locking method with deep diaphragmatic breathing he could go on almost indefinitely. Then, to satisfy ten women in one evening would not be too difficult for him.
3. The modern locking method.
Wu Hsien’s locking method, translated into modern terms, is really very easy.
When a man feels he is becoming too excited, he simply withdraws his penis for ten to thirty seconds. In this way, he wards off the danger of ejaculation and loses between 10 and 30 per cent of his erection.
He can then re-enter and resume thrusting. He can do this as often as he wishes. As he gains experience, he will find that he needs to withdraw less and less often; eventually he should only need to do so on rare occasions.
The secret of success of the locking method is to recognize the approach of the point where you can no longer control ejaculation.
Masters and Johnson call this the ‘stage of ejaculation inevitability’. We call it more simply ‘the point of no return. Learning to recognize this point is vital – not just for ejaculation control, but in cases where both partners choose to rely on the withdrawal method of contraception.
4. Masters and Johnson’s squeeze technique
In their book Human Sexual Inadequacy^ Masters and Johnson suggest a ‘squeeze technique’ which was designed primarily to help premature ejaculators.
For experienced lovers, it would be equally effective as a method of ejaculation control.
We say for experienced lovers because it is a rather elaborate technique and more difficult to learn.
The man has to tell her when he is getting too excited. She reacts by quickly lifting herself off the penile shaft and using fingers applies pressure on the coronal ridge area of his penis for three he four seconds. The pressure makes him lose his urge to ejaculate. He may also lose between 10 and 30 per cent of his erection.
The woman must wait another fifteen to thirty seconds after she lets go of his penis before she reinserts it into her vagina and continues thrusting. She can go through this procedure several times in the course of one coition.
All this is fine for more experienced lovers. It is superb training for male/female communication-coordination during intercourse. But for the novice there are two main snags.
First, the woman must know how to reinsert a partially soft phallus. Not so easy as it looks. If she fumbles, it may droop altogether and the erection may be completely lost.
Second, the couple may not always be able to assume the female superior position.
This position requires that the man reach and maintain a full erection securely. Many men have problems doing this.
5. Ancient Chinese squeeze technique.
The ancient Chinese also prescribed a squeeze technique, or, more accurately, a pressuring technique. But it is much simpler than Masters and Johnson’s.
It can be used in nearly all positions. In this technique, the man himself applies the pressure. Using the fore and middle fingers of his left hand, he presses at the point between his scrotum and his anus for three to four seconds. At the same time he takes a deep breath.
There are several advantages to this method. First, of course, the man does not have to withdraw his penis from the woman. Second, no time is lost in communication.
Third, he does not have to say anything to his partner. Many men would problems. prefer this technique just because they do not have to confide their problems.
To be continued…
