From the very beginning, I wish to warn readers that I am not a marriage counsellor. I do not have a license or the intention to counsel anyone on marriage.
I only have a right to express my opinion on the subject matter in relation to prevailing circumstances. There is no textbook anywhere for marriage. If there is, I don’t know what the content is and I really wonder how that recipe will work in every marriage.
People only share their experiences and the sum total of the knowledge they have acquired and processed about any subject matter including marriage. What works out great results in one marriage, may produce adverse results in another and vice versa.
For instance, there are couples who enjoy swinging spouses and they like it and there are those who will divorce if it ever happens. Even the thought of it, repulses them.
There are marriages where it is the role of the woman to cook and keep the home and it is a given and there are those where it is a shared responsibility and vice versa.
There are marriages where it is the role of the man to provide everything for the home and there are those where the woman plays that role. There are marriages where couples are happy in polygamy and there are those where monogamy is non negotiable. And the parties in these marriages are happy with the life they are living.
It is not a lie that the marriage institution is facing massive assault from very powerful interests across the globe. It is axiomatic. It is part of the changing world order and we must prepare for those changes.
Marriage is sacred as most cultures believe. But we must agree that not everyone will get married and not everyone who gets married will stay till death do them part.
Marriage, like many other institutions, has certain prerequisites that qualify you for admission. Apart from just coming of age, there are several attributes that you are required to have or cultivate, and some obligations you need to meet, to ensure you qualify in character to become married. Those who do not tick those boxes will sincerely not be able to marry. They can find happiness in their singlehood.
Mark some prevailing developments:
1. New words have been introduced into our lexicon, which used to be detestable to marriage. Namely, Baby Daddy, Baby Mama, Side Chick, Hook Up, etc. The literal explanation of these terms mean offensive behavior or vices that used to bring stigma and shame. But they have been given new names and elevated to status symbols that people adorn like diadems these days.
2. This has produced a generation of unloved, bitter, broken and vengeful souls, both male and female, walking the streets to and fro, like the Biblical devil, looking for who to destroy. These products have come of age to be married, but they do not possess what it takes to become or stay married.
3. This category is confused, lacking and ignorant of the right kind of values to instill in offsprings. Those values that our mothers and fathers instilled under one roof, in those that were born before this social furore took its roots.
4. Most of the young adults who have come of age to marry are products of these broken pieces. Nothing of enduring cultural marital value was instilled. At best, it is copy and paste from European values.
As if Europe has delivered a fantastic record of successful marriages.5. Broken and torn, these intrepid folks are in the business of recruiting and convincing vulnerable young ones that marriage isn’t as important.
Shaped by their unfortunate experiences, they want to use that as the cornerstone recommendation for matrimony.
6. But our religions, our cultures and age long traditions, have created standards for marriage that have been widely accepted by the people across the continents.
In every religion and culture, there are generally acceptable processes of consummating and living in a successful marriage. But there is a movement that wants to stand that sequence on the head and prescribe a new order that interprets marriage through their own lenses. They disregard and reject existing methods and insist their new definition of marriage is what should be forced down our throats.
7. As bizarre as it may seem, it is not like it is a bad idea. But it is an idea for the distant future. So for now, it is not everyone that will pass the marriage WAEC and JAMB.
And those who cannot, should be allowed to try other new vocations like, sidechickism, babyfatherism, babymamarism, singlehoodism, and all the other …ism(s).
Yours sincerely,
•Citizen Agba Jalingo.
